Sometimes I feel like I'm not one Daniel – but many. Different versions of myself, which often contradict each other too often.
These many Daniels – they are all me. And yet they often confuse me, make me doubt: Who am I really, actually? And who do I want to be?
And they confuse my surroundings, often making me appear moody, unpredictable, unreliable. But it's not that simple.
There's the Daniel
who is brave, stands out, loves fashion and experiments with it.
Who wears pink shirts, leopard Sambas or cowboy boots.
Who appears with his tattoos as if he is rock-solid in life.
And then there's the other Daniel,
who hardly dares to enter a barber shop, although he stands in front of it several times.
Who covers his scars so as not to unsettle others – or not to have to explain himself. Or is simply ashamed.
Who feels observed, judged, out of place.
There is the Daniel,
who is afraid of a simple phone call,
because it's too fast, because he doesn't dare to ask questions,
because he fears hearing bad news.
Sometimes even a WhatsApp message is enough - and then that's the fear
Then there's the spontaneous, impulsive Daniel,
who gets several tattoos in less than 24 hours,
makes decisions on big topics without thinking.
And at the same time: the Daniel who can't decide where to meet,
who prefers to let others decide because everything feels uncertain.
There is the Daniel,
who has achieved a lot – and still feels like nothing.
Whose past seems like a movie,
as if it happened to someone else.
Much is blurred, some repressed.
And there is the creative Daniel,
full of ideas, full of words, full of energy.
Who inspires, motivates, listens –
and yet sometimes sinks into himself, falls silent,
fights dark thoughts at night.
Who appears cheerful from the outside,
while it rages in his head.
So many contradictions. So many voices. So many selves.
It's scary to feel all of this. It confuses me.
It makes me doubt – often myself.
But: All of this is me.
I wish I could say: "I am this one Daniel."
But that wouldn't be true.
The truth is: I am all these Daniels.
And maybe that's okay.
Perhaps in this diversity and these contradictions there is also something beautiful.
Something real. The truth.
Something that defines me.
